Wellness

Coronacoaster: Stop the ride….I want to get off.

7 months in and…. I. Am. Done. Coronacoaster is like the never-ending ride that just won’t stop.

It’s Monday – and I’m great! I get up early, workout, blend up a GGS (a la @_KymberlySnyder) and I’m at my desk working by 9 am. I churn out stories, edit images, throw in a load of laundry. It’s only noon and I’ve put a full day of work. In the afternoon, I’m making calls, check in on my tribe and make dinners; so, so many dinners I have made over the past 7 months! After I tidy up the kitchen, I pour myself a glass of red and settle in to watch The Politician, thanks @gwynethpaltrow for coming out of acting retirement!

I think to myself – I’ve got this! I crushed the day and I feel great. I finish off this perfect day with my gratitude journal, a mediation with @Tara Brach and tuck myself into bed. I’ve got this smooth ride into the unknown…until I don’t, and the ride goes off the rails.

Just 2 hours in I awake with a jolt! My heart is racing, my body is over heating and my head is aching.
BAM! I am on the Coronacoaster.
I Am Certain. 100% positive I have COVID. I try breathing – it doesn’t work. I cannot distract my monkey mind. So, against my better judgement, I turn on my iPad. Of course, I am drawn to all the negative media stories about COVID. The numbers of infected and the numbers dying just keep rising. And now, it’s presenting more often in children. Down the rabbit hole I go. I feel like Alice, so very, very small. I finally will myself to turn off the iPad and pull out a book.

Three hours later and I am still reading. Its going to be a terrible day. I finally fall asleep completely exhausted. So much for restorative REM sleep.

I open my eyes around 8 am. I begrudgingly drag myself out of bed directly to the Nespresso to pour myself a VERY large cup of coffee. Two and a half cups in and I’ve gone from being exhausted to jittery, anxious and filled with fear. How is it possible for my world to turn around so quickly? All I want to do is crawl back into bed, watch Netflix and wait for the world to open up.

While this rollercoaster of angst and anxiety feel endless, I know that this ride will slow down just long enough so I can once again catch my breath and enjoy the silver linings …as fleeting as they may be.

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